In early 2018 maybe, or even 2017, I took notice of church bodies that would adopt a corporate "word for the year." Something akin to a new year's resolution, that they would want to be their meditation for the year, I guess? But I noticed, as I would listen to sermons throughout the year, that it would drop off, and rarely be addressed... until the end of year offerings plea, where it would be brought up to the church body again.
I didn't necessarily have a problem with the idea of an inspired meditation, a scripture or word to keep focus. It's a good practice. But when used as manipulation in any way, and not for the intention of a guidepost, along the year's walk, it seemed just as pointless as making that shallow new year's resolution.
But I didn't want to be so high and mighty with my judgement. Like I said it's a good practice to have your reminder. In business it's your "why." In fitness goals it might be that planned event, or a pic of yourself when you were feeling good and healthy.
So towards the end of the year, I decided to ask for a word. I said why not me. Not a resolution but something that brings revelation. It was a casual request, just a thought of, "well if something comes to the forefront, I'll use it, but I'm not going to worry about it or force it."
I would over and over again get the phrase "comfortably uncomfortable." At the time I was excited for it. I said "Okay, then! 2019, the year to work on being comfortably uncomfortable" Lol, don't ask for something if you don't really want to go on that ride. I would be taken through uncomfortable over and over again. But as the year ended, and it would be refreshed in my mind as I reflected, I decided to take note, and ask again.
From that point on, with as much sincerity of heart as I knew how to ask, I was given a word or phrase ever since. And as each year passed, I noticed it would build into the next year. There was one year, I was sure it would be this certain word! I wanted it so bad, but it very assuredly was not that, and I was given another to focus on. I'm still struggling with Surrender. That was 2023, and I got it literally on 1 Jan. But towards the end of 2023, was the first time that I can remember, since that first year, that I got the next meditation before the current year was even out. It was evident, I asked for "untangling/unraveling."
So my title question comes from this. Over these last few years, as I take note on the fact that we can only live linearly, and speak one thought at a time, our souls can collect and compound, and understand frontwards and backwards, left to right, but also right to left. Up and down, and down is up. A spinning wheel within a wheel. Believers should know this visual. That is very relative to our Spiritual God.
But in the sense of untangling knots in my own timeline, a palatable visual started to take shape. These encounters we have over our lives, most specifically traumatic ones, that get our identities caught in a stopped up knot. Think of a knot, that's so tight, you can't find one end from the other, and the more tension added, it makes it feel even more impossible, and we just live with that. When my girls were little, they would get their yo-yo's tangled together, then bring them to me, to untangle. Lol I would always ask them, what are they doing that they get it this bad. But I would lay them down, in order to relax the strings, then I could start to see where one end might need to pass through another loop, in order to get them eventually unraveled.
In our experiences, we might not be able to get them completely unraveled. But if we can relax into them enough, not be afraid to examine, we can relax it enough to see our path, and how, just for a moment in time, it interacted with another path. That other path, whether another person, or an event, doesn't have to define us completely. We can start to look at our responses more clearly. Decide what needs to be left there, or maybe a strength got developed there.
If we can live in that relaxed state for whatever period of time is necessary, (which for some is scary enough. We seem to hold on to our pains and traumas like badges of honor or some form of new identity that makes us significant or special in some way) then maybe it can be relaxed even down further to something looking like a nice patch. Then a steady flow can take place. Flow of peaceful emotional response, or thought.
I know those moments are painful. I'm not in any way comparing tragedies, or making light, I have plenty of my own. Some inflicted on me, and some I've done the inflicting. What I do know is a common enemy, wants to stop you and wants to stop me, from feeling that God given flow of... everything. The unique attack on you, might not look like the unique attack on me. But the purpose is the same. To be caught up in anxiety, fear, depression, apathy, jealousy, comparing, competing, scarcity, complacency, desperation, confusion, etc. Unbelief. Half-living, if it's even half. The walking dead or sleep-walkers.
I'm excited for this one, and yet the right way to end it escapes me... with much love, sent out.