A number of years ago, I was having a conversation with a good friend from high school... geez almost 20 years ago, in fact! It took me a minute to think of when lol. In our discussion somewhere, had something to do with changing directions, or mindset? Maybe even learning a new healthy habit, and letting go of an old unhealthy one?
Anyways I remember the analogy I came up with. I said think of it like this. Let's say your whole life up to this point, using your dominant hand (whichever that may be), and you discover it would actually be better for you to switch. Think of how difficult that would be.
Day one, maybe kind of funny and exciting. You can laugh at how bad your handwriting is, or how hard it is to pick something up, or even brush your teeth. But very soon I can see that getting old. It would soon feel like a hindrance to life as you knew it.
Your hand and arm would start hurting and become sore. You would constantly forget, instinctively going back to the hand you're used to using. Bad handwriting is funny on a day off of work, but it would make you feel out of sorts in any professional capacity. Now let's add in a bad day, when other shit is going sideways. How long would it take for you to say I don't want to deal with this and with that? How about have someone catch you slipping, using your old dominant hand. "Oh I thought you were left-handed now?! Yeah sure, I just caught you right-handed! You're not changing."
It might seem like an overly simplistic, even elementary example. Lol I have no scenario for why switching hands would be a "healthier way." It's just meant to be a picture. How much more difficult is it, trying to change a mindset about ourselves? Or how we process difficulties, criticisms, etc. Or breaking free from a habit that doesn't serve us, but has become second nature. Laying all that down, to better serve and better hear and see others as well.
Lately I've been learning to change old responses, that have been deeply rooted in "protecting myself." Old ways of viewing myself. There have been some dark and heavy days, and very recently this analogy came back to mind. God has brought it up several times in fact. So here I am to write about it.
A few nights ago, I woke up from a full-on nightmare, that felt very much like being attacked. The only thing I knew to do was pray. I ended up in a place with Yeshua, I don't know where we were. A park somewhere? I began to feel at peace... until I envisioned Him putting that beautiful white robe on me, and a crown. Then I started to squirm. I could feel attacks again, but a soft voice saying I am with you, and He squeezed my hand.
We sat down at a picnic table to eat, and as we did so, I was asking the question in my heart, why did I feel so uneasy to let you cover me? Even sitting next to Him, it was difficult to sit still. But I let my feet be planted on a rock that I was picturing as a footstool, and I settled down, and noticed I was on His right, and we were holding hands.
Now I have to imagine Yeshua is ambidextrous lol, but I am most definitely not. I am all lefty, and I just look at my right hand and say, "okay then, if He wants to hold my left hand, I'll use my right, it'll be awkward, but that's okay, I'm eating with Jesus!" Then light bulb and He took me back to my own analogy. I looked at Him and He smiled and squeezed my hand! It made me tear up.
I have a nasty habit of letting very little Grace in when I feel like I "get it wrong" and I don't think I'm alone. Most definitely I believe in my miracle working God, but that doesn't mean parts of our identity won't need to be worked out in process. And He already knows it all anyways!!! This is a part of baptism by fire, this is a part of works of Faith.
There's a big difference between self-reliance, and awareness of self... but that'll be for another post :)