I wasn't a very good big sister growing up, I don't think. For sure at least not to my little sister. My brother and I are close in age, but my little sister is a few years younger.
There was quite a bit of pain and struggle for us all, and we all acted from that in our own ways. She bore the brunt of our frustration, when I should have been protecting her. I didn't know how, I only knew pain. As we got older I tried to, in my own way. We're close now, but it still stings me, the way we can be blinded by pain.
Even to this day I'll find myself in feelings of needing to be vindicated somehow. Old wounds have seeped into so many of my experiences, and instead of being a watchman, I would play the victim. It's understandable that these emotions come up as we process, but not being on guard and knowing our true Vindicator, will have us walking around self-absorbed and wounding others. Getting tricked into believing things about ourselves and others; our circumstances.
Fairly recently I've had two experiences that Spirit spoke to me, about how I can look past the pain, into another's needs. I by no means am saying it's easy. Some afflictions hit deeper than others, but it did give me pause, and a new line of sight. One was with my little doggie. Some days I come home, and the day might have been emotionally rough, and the last thing I feel like doing is pouring out more. Even having him want to lay down with his little warm body curled up next to my leg, some days I couldn't take it. But very clearly one day, there was a Voice that rang through, telling me that I'm a comfort to him when I'm around. That he was scared and lonely and me being home made him feel safe. I was focusing on his anxiety stirring up my anxiety.
Another was with a coworker. A sweet woman but could be very high strung and neurotic at times. As someone who grew up with a mother having these tendencies, I'm already combating this for myself. Maintaining a general sense of peace in chaos. If you think energy in people isn't a thing, I would argue you're wrong. You can feel it, and I would feel it emanating to the point I almost asked my supervisor if I could not work with her directly... But that Voice. Don't run, don't cave. Show her how it's done. Be peace. It has been challenging and so very rewarding.
Now I find myself looking for these places of "training" more and more. Not always with success. I've found myself flowing in gossip, or caving to a bit of anger. But the awareness is faster.
The study of Cain and Able have sort of gone hand in hand with this. How something in Able had him instinctively bring his best offering, but something bitter was growing in Cain. His offering was less pleasing. What voice was he listening to? Able's offering called to Yahuah, but so did the affliction in Cain. He had a personal audience with the Father, tending to that bitter root. But Cain couldn't see or hear past this pain, this other voice, and still ended up killing his brother, then lying about it. "Am I my brother's keeper?"
Able's blood called to Yahuah from the earth, but so did Cain's transgression and fear of punishment. Even in His reprimand, He marked Cain with protection. That is the Voice I'm yearning for. The Eyes that see me before I've done even one good or bad thing, and shows me the defensive and offensive moves. And when I still trip, He picks me up, dusts me off, and covers me yet again. I'm trying to reflect this as He shows me the same thing happening in others around me... I don't always succeed. I'm fully relying on Grace and Mercy.