I really struggled this new year. The first few days kind of beat me up emotionally and it left me confused and frustrated. I said I would never try and force that God given soul meditation. Not wanting it to become something vain or shallow, or another thing to idolize. But I felt a desperation for it. 2024 the year of untangling/unraveling, that came to me so easily a year ago... and boy did I. I feel so undone. This year a few things to focus on came to mind, but nothing fully grabbed. They all felt right. But on the 2nd, I listened to a message and it was obvious... stripped down. Bare.
From that awareness, quite a few dreams began to make sense, including ones full of abuse and even divine corruption. Or I should say, I was ready for clarity. But how does one begin a process like that? Stripping down. Lol I guess I began by writing here. But even that isn't what I mean exactly or fully. Guess how many times I edited just this paragraph alone, to make it sound "authentic?" I lost count.
Naked and unashamed. That's how we begin. That's how we began. As little babies, we're the most innocent and pure we'll ever be in this life. As little toddlers, the joke is, we're brutally honest, saying and doing whatever comes into our little brains. But we're also our most primal and emotional selves. Like little baby cobras, the venom hits hard. The broken people that came before us, try to train us up, I suppose the best they could. Trying to teach us patience and self-control and common courtesy, and things such as this that we're meant to learn. And that's best case scenario. But something is passed down in the blood, corrupting that process.
So where does the covering up start? For me, I chalked it up to two main headers: security (monetarily, physically, comfortability, people) and identity (mannerisms-presentation, downplaying-[traits, gifts, failures, faults], salesmanship-[bragging and embellishment], titles, traumas). These are just a few things that came to mind, as I look at my own self. It all gets muddied up with misplaced trust.
So, I guess as the Good Father leads, I'll just pick one at a time and start washing it off... starting with the feet (mine are ticklish). So badly do I want to get back to that place. Just completely stripped and washed, then covered by Grace and Mercy.