I have always felt like my timing stinks. I would either respond to a situation too impulsively, or get caught up in decision paralysis and do nothing. This awareness has left me wrecked more than a few times. There seemed to be no easy flow to my decision making. Either full speed ahead, or all-stop. But I've been learning a new dance over the last few years. God's timing. It next to never makes sense to me, except right when it needs to. In the places of impulse, or even paralysis, I've had to learn to recognize what motive is driving that action or thinking, and I'm forced to slow down my thoughts and look at intention. Intention and motive. What moves you? It forces you to look deeper, into dark places and it's very uncomfortable.
I mentioned in my last post, those timing movements of God. How my accident led to me turning my life around. It was soon after this, that I wanted to start viewing these types of situations differently. Is it something bad happening to me? Or an opportunity to partner with God in this life, and see where He wants to take me? What does He have planned? I won't for one second claim that it's easy. It's not a light switch, just flip it and you trust! I suppose some have those moments. I'm hard headed. I had to let experiences be teachers. I had to let my perception be messed with. There would be several more experiences like this, where it felt like the answer came at the midnight hour, right at the last minute. Those little doors to squeeze through. Tragedy bringing a shift. Canon event; It's a term I learned recently, an event that is essential to the formation of an individual's character or identity. When you say you want your faith and character tested... it will be tested. I'm still struggling. In fact sometimes it's full on painful, the wrestling.
So now, currently, I'm in a new test. Where I get to be still. Rest, that's the last thing I know for sure. I can feel something. I'm being shown and told something. But not given much to act on as of yet, like before. And for someone who gets restless, this feels much harder. There's no plan to make right now, and I hate it. There's little tasks of preparation. Little lessons. You feel anxious and need comfort? Be comfort. You sense a neurotic energy, and it's troubling? Be peace. You feel offended, and want to be vindicated? Do the work as if Yeshua Himself came down and asked a personal favor of letting it go, and take steps to make someone else's day a little easier. Be support. I'm working on it.
Beautiful timing that makes no sense, until it makes complete sense.